Becoming a barbarian

Looking back I have been a barbarian from birth, at least in part. Up until my parents divorce I was home schooled and lived rurally, after that I had to start my journey through the system from the second grade on but I never truly fit it, though I was good at blending in. Never the outcast but never the popular kid, I was never big on having a bunch of sub par friends and the things that were important to the kids around me were never important to me. Now I realize that those of us that were in this position in school were naturally though unconsciously fighting the programming.

I didn’t care about dances, or school politics, events, or grades. What I wanted to learn was either dismissed as false, not taught in schools to begin with, or was systematically being removed from the curriculum. Zero tolerance for fighting was being rolled out and you were no longer allowed to defend your self. Cell phones were just becoming smart at the end of my high school career and people were still able to be social in person with out some digital interface. Things you sometimes don’t pay attention to or understand when your in them but click all at once later in life when your looking back on it. It was the pivot point for the education system the tail end of what could be considered a normal educational experience, at least compared to now.

This continued after high school, While everyone prioritized drinking and partying, or SATs and college, depending on the person, I prioritized fitness, and practical education. I went straight to EMT school and joined a fire department as a volunteer while I was getting a tattoo removed that was to low on my arm so that I could join the military. The rules kept changing and I ultimately just stayed at the fire department and went for law enforcement when I became the right age.

While I was at the Fire department the majority of the other guys at least cared about fitness but they were all still overly obsessed with sports and other trappings of the system that I couldn’t care less about. So just like high school I was never fully in the group. Just like school I always had a couple people I could call friends at any one time that did have some similar interests. Even then I knew a lot of people and could get along with most groups, but I was never really a part of any of them.

This was unique position to be in. Many feel comfortable talking to you or around you and forget to mind their tongue. They will talk shit or gossip like they would normally but you get to see all sides. A will talk to C behind B’s back and then talk shit about C to D. You get a front row seat to how fake and disloyal 99 percent of the population is. This is hard lesson learned at a young age but a valuable one as you get older.

Loyalty is a very rare commodity

This continued through my adult life and while most people would call that a loss, I do not. It is why it was made blatantly obvious to me that the “brotherhood” at my fire department was a bull shit. The same lesson and learned the same way that learned at the police department as well. Though the police department was worse. The fire department at least showed up with lip service when some one died or was killed. At the police department, there was a line of duty death shortly before I arrived. One detective was trying to do something nice for the kids that he left behind and the other officers couldn’t be bothered to help out with either their time or some money.

Most people classify people as friends that have no business being called that. They do this out of a superficial desire/need to be liked and included. I am not saying that I don’t have that need too though I am not going to change who I am at my core just to be part of some group. I would rather be on my own than around fake people.

Moving on

Once I Turned 21 I left the fire department, and never heard from any of them again. I went to police academy and got my biggest taste of pseudo brotherhood I had experienced. The whole class clicked and meshed extremely fast and it was a great year. I then graduated and moved across the country for a job. Never to hear from most of them again despite reaching out. Hence pseudo brotherhood, though there was two that did keep in touch and one I have mentioned before who is still in law enforcement. The other Like me is not. They are two of the few people I call friends.

My time in law enforcement was short

It was rough start from the jump, I showed up day one and no one that needed to know knew I was coming. They had no gear for me not training officer for me nothing. They didn’t know what version of the computer system I would end up using so I had to learn two of everything in a shortened amount of time. Before even getting assigned to a trainer.

My first field training officer was on the way out, over weight, sloppy, hadn’t upgraded his uniform in 10 years, of course I didn’t even have one yet at this point. He slept in the passenger seat more nights then he was awake and I ultimately didn’t learn anything. Then came phase two where I was supposed to know everything and didn’t as well as some of my academy training not meshing with the new department mainly arrest control (handcuffing techniques) yet no one was willing to teach me how their department Wanted it.

It was around this stage that my health problems cropped up and I was forced to resign. Though that would be a saving grace later. After the department tv shows, and multiple scandals hitting the department, I was glad to have dodged the bullet.

Healthcare

The end of my short law enforcement carrier was the mark of the beginning of learning about the health care system. I was told I had an auto immune disease that was causing issues that needed surgery. So I had the initial surgery, and then was told I needed to go to a specialist to fix auto immune issue before they could do the second surgery. The specialist told me I needed to have the second surgery before I could Fix the Immune issue.

This last 18 months back and forth when the second surgery was supposed to have been done no more than 3 months later. After which time I found my Functional MD who changed my diet for 6 months reversed the actual issue which was not the issue the hospitals said I had.

I went to a new hospital to get the second surgery done and their testing showed that I had none of the issues the original hospital said that I did. In fact I later learned the original hospital gave test prep advice that made the situation appear worse then It was on testing results. This was the point that I swore off the medical system, at least in respect to general health and minor illness/ injury. Major trauma is the only thing that the medical system seems to do well.

Then came 2019

We all know what happened then, This was a defining time where I was thrown into becoming a barbarian. I was out cast by most of my so called family. Though I cannot look at it completely in a bad light. I showed who my true family was, I know understand the rest were only relatives. I found many of the “light bulb moment” books and individuals that have been game changers for me. This time shaped my current views of law enforcement, and did not help my views of the medical system. It revitalized my interest in homesteading and entrepreneurship out of a feeling of need and not just desire and It brought me back more fully to spirituality.

Though I currently find my self in a kind of purgatory. Stuck in progress waiting for things out side of my control to fall into place. My plans and path for the future are more refined and and inline then I think they have ever been. This is where you find this writing, at the calm before the storm. Hopefully you will come along for the ride and learn with me as we go.